Why most people should never go to comedy clubs. Part 1.

Not a lot of people know what comedy is. This does not bode well for many comedians who have chosen a half-known, misunderstood profession to make a living with.

The amount of times satirists or storytellers have told relatives they do comedy — only to hear “so you do impressions?” or “you mean like skits?”– is too high a number to repeat here. (26,678,456)

The fact that bachelor and lady bachelor parties attend comedy clubs shows a failure on comedy’s part to explain what we do. Who shows up with cockhats, blinking necklaces, and shirts that say “put it in this hole” with an arrow pointing up, to sit quietly for a two hour show? What Best Man brings his mates out to a club, where you are supposed to sit and contemplate, while making sure that your cell phone is silenced?

The reason that these hordes of animals come to a comedy club is because they think the night will be all about them. When I was in Minneapolis, a bachelor party showed up. One of the dudes was wearing a huge crown, and another was wearing an over-sized pretend mustache.You do not wear that unless you want someone to say something. No one is getting ready to hit the streets, maybe chat up a lady or two, and then says  “WAIT! Where is my giant pretend Mustache?! I’m not going anywhere until I look like a child fiddler or cast member of There Will Be Blood.”

They assumed they would wear it, the comedian would say something, and then the show would be theirs!

What I thought was so great was none of the comics said a word to them. No attention was paid to the man in the crown or the dude wearing the mustache. When you hope for attention by wearing that, and no one says anything, it’s suddenly not funny. It’s really sad. A sad man, in the corner of a dark comedy club, wearing a pretend mustache.

I think the reason these people come is because many of the best comics don’t get on TV much.

No one sees Doug Stanhope or Daniel Kitson and thinks: “Gather the girls and the dildo hats! I know what I’m doing before I get married!” They see boring, bland, hacky, dogshit comedy and think, “You know what’s almost as funny as that dude on TV? A dildo hat!” And they are right.

So how do we stop these awful sub-humans from ending up front row, covered in glitter and sadness? Destroy them.

New Citizen Radio and I’m back in NYC

Hey everyone, Ill be blogging more now that I’m back. I have two half written angry posts that I’ve all ready started but for now subscribe to Citizen Radio! Monday we had Glenn Greenwald from Salon today Noam Chomsky from Tosh 2.0 (sorry) and  friday lead singer of Bad Religion Greg Graffin! It’s fucking insane. ITUNES people go here and RSS go here

Citizen Radio Stops The War in Sydney This Friday

Come meet Citizen Radio while screaming shit about our illegal occupations. Citizen Radio first meetup for Sydney.

This Friday at town hall. We say fuck you to the war then go to the show at the manning bar. 530 at Town Hall.

Then an hour and a half of new material here.

Then my CD recording in Minneapolis at Acme Comedy Club, Chicago then San Fran. 2010 will also have a ton of new cities!

Also Citizen Radio is flying solo and doing great cause of you guys. We all ready have 100 paid members and were ranked number 4 for political podcasts on ITUNES.

This month we have Noam Chomsky, Bad Religion, Rachel Maddow, Anti Flag, Joe Rogan, Michael Ian Black, Birbiglia, Melissa Harris Lacewell, Reggie Watts and more.

I love you all.